I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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