New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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