Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Verdict: uncircumcised.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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