i think my tv is drunk
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
