Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
