i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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