It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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