butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
