she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
