Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
