is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
if only i could text you this smell
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
