You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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