can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
