Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
ttyl tear gas
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
