it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
