We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
