he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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