I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
