Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
