Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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