the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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