Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
