What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dicks are not precious.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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