Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
