I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
