I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
