Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
