I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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