i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
