Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
