No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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