she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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