You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
