Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
