In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
