God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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