Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
