I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You don't make any sense
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