I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
