He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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