Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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