I'm laying in your front yard are you home
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
