I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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