Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dear god my vagina.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
