There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
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