Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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