drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
