No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
