so explain again why im purple
no
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
