mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
