I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
